I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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