Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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