you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
