so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
