you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
