Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
