You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
