wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
