i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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