Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
