I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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