Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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