After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize