sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
