I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
