I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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