i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She told me I should be a condom model.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
