She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
