I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
