only if we run a train.
done.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize