I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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