Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
