No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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