Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
