A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Randomize
