I just threw up on my dentist
it's like iHOP with fire
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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