She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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