we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
