We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
zippers are such a cool invention
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
