Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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