R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
