Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
