if only i could text you this smell
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
A bitchslap is in order.
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