omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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