what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
