I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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