I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
