you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
