So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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