She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
