Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
