He is such a slut. More and more my type.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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