I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
home. puking in laundry basket.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
