my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
