So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Semen is not good for contacts.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
