There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
