listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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