i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize