I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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