she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
