What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize