I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I am mentally ready for anal.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
