Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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