wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
