I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
