What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
