i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
