I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
