I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
