So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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