Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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