Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
