Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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