am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
