My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize